Sunday, February 24, 2013


I know the patterns, but I'm stuck on what to do about them.  The patterns:

  • A busy weekend of having fun.  I usually don't do that much.  I fear I will be sick from it.  I schedule a day of rest afterwards.  On the day of rest, I am tired and I do want to rest, but I feel okay.  I think maybe I can do fun stuff after all.  Maybe I don't even need all these days of rest.  But then the following weekend, I get my punishment, I get sick.
  • First comes the depression.  I feel needy.  I long for people to be kind for me.  I feel as if nobody likes me.  Then comes the sick. Sore throat and aches.  When the physical sick comes, the emotional sick lifts.  I welcome the physical sick, because it's a relief from the emotional sick.
  • I get sick on weekends and holidays.  I get sick on days when I don't have a commitment to be a certain place at a certain time.  If I do have a commitment to be somewhere, I make myself go, and a lot of times I feel okay.  

So, do I need to make sure I have a commitment every weekend, so that I never get sick? Or do I need to make sure I don't have any fun, so that I don't get sick the weekend after the fun?  Perhaps I need to make commitments to small funs.  There are smaller things I do that don't make me sick.

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