Holiday season

This time of year, the trees are bare.  The flowers are gone.  The wind is cold.  The darkness is at its longest.  Human traditions bring light into darkness, warmth into coldness, by making this the holiday season.  Traditions vary across cultures, religions, and historical times. They include Christmas, solstice,  Kwanzaa, Chanukkah, Chalica, Boxing Day, St. Lucia's Day, Three Kings Day, Saturnalia, and New Year's Day. Traditions at this time of year fill the darkness and cold with warmth, light, family, fellowship, love, peace, spirituality, mystery, new birth, new beginnings.

I like the evergreens, the lights, the music.  For me, it's a time to renew connections.  I spend time with family.  By sending cards, I reach out to people I don't often see, maintaining a connection with them.  It's a time to care for our fellow humans, by volunteering, giving to charity, and being kind to strangers. 

It all goes by so fast though.  I'm off work for two weeks in late December.  That's the time for spending with family.  But the time before that, the first three weeks of December, that's the time for going to concerts, singing, and preparing gifts and cards.  I never seem to have enough time for that part.  But now, I have two days before I go to visit my family.  I'd better get going on those holiday cards. 

Samhain, Halloween, Thanksgiving

I like the Halloween customs of costumes, going around the neighborhood, and pumpkins.  I don't like the candy though.  It's not healthy.  And if it's not fair trade, you are contributing to some bad practices. 

I like the Samhain tradition of remembering the dead.  I'm not sure it fits with the Halloween traditions though.

I was reading tonight about Native Americans, that they grew beans, corn, squash, and strawberries.  Strawberries are for a different season, but how about we celebrate Thanksgiving by eating beans, corn, and squash, thinking about the history of the country, and thinking about things we are grateful for. 

Since reading Druidry and the Ancestors, I've been thinking in terms of druidry being about being rooted in our ancestors, where ancestors is all who have gone before. Samhain can be about remembering our personal ancestors, and people we knew personally who have passed away, while Thanksgiving can be about remembering the people who have lived on this land. 

Wrapping Christmas presents

Wrapping Christmas presents.  Doing it the way my family has done it as long as I can remember.  We re-use the paper year after year.  To make it re-usable, we don't use tape, just ribbons, which of course are also re-used year after year.  Labels can also be re-used, or can be made from old Christmas cards.  You use a hole punch to make a hole in the label, and then you put the ribbon through it.

It was nice, wrapping with care something chosen for a particular person.

I've been so harried. It has been a long time since I've done anything like this.

I like to put attention into doing something for others.

I used to have people over for dinner sometimes.  That was the same sort of thing.

Also, it brought back to me that when I was a kid, I always liked to have on hand things like construction paper, glue, glitter, stickers, markers, crayons, and hole punches.  There always seemed to be a need for them.

Now I never use such things.  I think that at some point I learned that I am not good at that sort of thing.

It's a shame that we are not supposed to do things we aren't good at  -- crafts, drawing, cooking, singing, dancing.  People who do such things with no skill get scoffed at.  But the purpose of doing such things should not be to demonstrate skill.  The purpose of doing such things should be to spark joy and imagination in the person doing them.

My mother loves to sing, especially around Christmas.  She feels she can't sing around my brother and sister-in-law, because they are professional musicians.

It's sad, when singing is silenced.

After wrapping presents, I visited the computer.  On Facebook I saw a photo of presents which my brother and sister-in-law were wrapping for their kids.  I wrapped presents for their kids tonight.  My presents can never be as good as theirs, because they are with their kids all the time so know best what to get them.

I want to give gifts, prepared with care.  But it's sad to know that my gifts will always be inferior.

I think my parents at least will like the gifts I give to them.

Happy solstice

I re-posted one of the things going around Facebook that said don't be offended if someone says Merry Christmas and you aren't Christian, or if they say Happy Holidays and you are Christian, just appreciate that they are wishing you well.  I believe that.  But when people wished me happy solstice, I felt warm inside.  I felt like "how did they know?" since I don't talk about my druidry.  But I don't think it's that they knew.  I think it's that solstice is their holiday too.  So I don't think they really knew that solstice is the holiday closest to my heart, but it sill warmed my heart that they spoke the way they would speak if they did know.

New year's resolutions

I do tend to take stock of my life as December turns to January, but I don't believe in New Year's resolutions.  You can't change your life just by resolving something.  I resolve things all the time, but that doesn't mean I can do them.  The fact is, I have limited time and energy.  I spend my time on the things that are most important to me.  Resolving to do more of a particular thing is not going to create more time and energy.  The only way to do more of one thing is to do less of another, and the things I'm already doing are more important than the things I'm not doing.

Druid plants and seasonal celebrations

Reading about trees, plants, and herbs in  The Path Through the Forest, I recognized names that often come up in druid-related books, names like vervain, meadowsweet,  mistletoe, oak, and holly.  Mistletoe was mentioned as associated with the winter solstice.  In my head flashed the thought of going to a store to buy some mistletoe for the winter solstice, which will soon be upon us.  That is totally wrong.  The point of druidry is to be in touch with the land.  If I want to include plants in seasonal celebrations, the way to do that is to go outside and see what the plants are doing this time of year.

The plants that are traditionally associated with druidry are those that are native to England.  For my own druidry, the plants sacred to me will be the ones in my landscape, such as sugar maple, Norway maple, red maple, apple, crabapple, white pine, clover, and peppermint.

Christmas

People say that Christmas should be about celebrating the birth of Jesus, not about consumerism. But Christmas is many things. I'm not into either consumerism or celebrating the birth of Jesus, but I do celebrate Christmas. For me, Christmas means a number of things. For one thing, it is a part of my cultural heritage. And there is a Christian aspect to it for me. I'm not Christian in the conservative sense of the word. However, what I was taught growing up was that the message of Jesus was that we should love everyone. That's a message I do believe in.

The way I was brought up, and what I still believe, is that Christmas is a good time to remember that message. It's a time to reach out to others in love. It's a time to re-connect with family, to spend time with those who live far away. It's a time when we think about what our loved ones might want, and to give them gifts that we think they would enjoy. It's a time when we send cards to people who are not part of our every day lives, as a way to maintain connections with them. It's a time when we think of those in need and make charitable donations.

In my own family, we spend the day together. We start off by going for a walk in the morning. Then we have a meal together. Then after lunch, we sit around together opening presents. Opening presents is a way of spending time together as a family. We open our presents, and together we look at them and play with them.

Christmas is also a solstice holiday. The solstice was an already existing holiday, and then the birth of Jesus was put in as an add-on. Winter solstice is a time of cold and darkness. We bring warmth to this season by gathering together, singing songs, and lighting lights. It seems a good time of year to remember someone who brought us a message of love.

Looking to the future

Every moment marks the point between the past and the future. Because we tend to forget this, we have seasonal holidays to remind us. When life events mark transitions in our lives, that's another occasion when we often reflect on what we want. One example of such a transition is that of getting a house. In recent weeks, I have noticed a number of related comments from family members:

My sister-in-law: When we get a house, can we get a piano?

My brother: When we get a house, can we get a new towel?

My mother: When we get a new house, I want to get a new mattress.

Me: When I get a house I want solar power, both passive and photovoltaic.

My sister: When I get a house, I'm going to have goats and chickens.

When my sister reported to my mother what I said about solar power, it came across as what I was going to do when I grow up. My mother thought of the things she wanted, and she said in her case, "I don't want to wait until I grow up."

Then she remembered, she is 64. It might not be such a long wait until she grows up.

We all have goals for the future. These goals change over the course of our lifetimes. Holidays remind us to take stock of our current goals and work toward them. Sometimes we do have to achieve our goals in a certain order. For example, moving out of a city apartment would come before getting goats. Sometimes we find ways to get around such pre-requisites. For example, someone living in a city apartment might make an arrangement with someone who lived on a farm to spend time on the farm caring for animals.

Reaching for the sun

The weather forecast for a particular day may be uncertain, but overall, the seasons follow a predictable cycle. Life does not. We know that we have times of darkness and times of light, but there's no guarantee that summer will come to our hearts on an annual basis. Though we don't follow a predictable cycle as the year does, at times, we can identify our place in life as being similar to a certain station on the wheel of the year.

Last night, I was reflecting on the spring equinox. Spring equinox is a time when we are half in light, half in darkness, but we are turning toward the sun. That fits with how I feel. In the past few days, I have been thinking of all the things I use -- car, computer, cell phone, clothing, food, etc. I try to choose organic, locally grown, fair traded, recycled, and re-used products. Sometimes I succeed, and yet so many of the things I use don't fit these categories. I try not to use too much energy, but in recent days, I have felt it necessary to turn on the air conditioner.

In the same way, I try to devote my time and energy to making the world a better place, but too often, it seems that just surviving exhausts all my time and energy. I want to reach out to others in kindness and love, but too often I find myself discouraged and irritable.

And so, I live half in light, half in dark. I can never achieve all that I apsire to, but I can continue to reach for the light.

There's a song, "Every Flower" by Peter, Paul, and Mary:

Every flower's reachin' for the sun
Every petal opens when the day has just begun
Even in the city where they grow up through the street
Every blossom needs the sunshine to makes its life complete.
Some are torn out by the roots and cast aside
And some might be arranged for a bride
A flower's just a seed when it's young
And every flower's reaching for the sun.

Some are bent by fears they cannot see
And some are touched by love and set free
A flower's just a seed when it's young
And every flower's reaching, every flower's reaching
Every flower's reaching for the sun.

Sometimes I feel torn out and cast aside. Sometimes I feel bent by fears. Sometimes I feel I'm just a seed, not yet a flower. But still, I'll keep reaching for the sun.

Holidays today and tomorrow

I did not really observe Thanksgiving, but today I am observing Buy Nothing Day, and tomorrow I will observe Small Business Saturday.

Samhain, death, and renewal

The Wheel of the Year is supposed to remind us of how things in life change. It always seemed a bit off to me, because the Wheel of the Year is predictable. The seasons always arrive in the same order, and at their expected times. Life is not like that. A person can get an illness, and it never gets better -- there is no spring of good health to look forward too. Or a summer-like time of good health, time spent with family, and financial stability could last for many years, and then it could unexpectedly be over in an instant.

But as I performed the Samhain ritual on November 1, I saw it another way. Instead of individual lives, I looked at the bigger picture. There is a cycle of renewal. Someone in my circle approaches death, but someone else in my circle was recently born. In the even larger picture, stars and planets die, but new ones are born.

The Samhain ritual in the Druidry Handbook includes a part that goes, "The veil between the worlds becomes thin, and the ancestors come close to us. Their voices whisper in the autumn winds. As we stand among the falling leaves and the gray and golden light, let us remember the past and its lessons, and gather a harvest of wisdom to bear us through winter to the new spring to come."

As the old generations pass away, the new generations can seek to carry forward the wisdom passed on by the old generations, even as the new generations are forging new paths, and additional wisdom to pass on to the future.

I am grateful that my grandmother tells me stories about my great great great grandmother. My grandmother remembers knowing my great great great grandmother, but it will not be so long before no one remains who remembers her. However, now I have the knowledge from my grandmother, and I can pass it forward to the future generations.

New Year

Many modern Pagan and Druid traditions consider Samhain the holiday which marks the end of one year and the beginning of another, although what I've read by historical scholars indicates that this was likely not so for the Iron Age Celts.

I've been on an academic calendar most of my life -- first as a student, then as a university employee -- so it often has felt to me that a new year begins around the beginningof September.

Also, I feel that my year is divided into two seasons, summer and winter. Summer is when after work, it's warm and light, so I spend time outdoors, and when green leaves are all around me, while winter is when it is dark and cold when I get home from work, and the trees are bare.

It never made much sense to me to observe the new year on January 1, which it's not the beginning of anything, it's smack dab in the middle of winter.

Nor does Samhain feel like a new year. From the academic calendar perspective, it's smack dab in the middle of a semester. And while the falling of leaves indicates that an old year is dying, a new year is far from coming.

I think now as a druid observing the stations of the sun, it makes sense to observe winter solstice as the new year. That's the time when the sun has finished moving away from us, and begins to move toward us -- one year has finished dying, and another year begins to grow. From that perspective, January 1 isn't such a bad time to observe the new year after all. They talk about the 12 days of Christmas, so how about the 12 days of the new year, December 21-January 1.

Mercedes Lackey's early Valdemar books

I don't like Mercedes Lackey's books quite as much as I like books by Robin McKinley, Cynthia Voigt, Tamora Pierce, and Frances Hardinge, but they are solid. They do the job of engaging me, and have more positive than negative attributes. And the big advantage is there are a lot of them, so they can still provide me with fresh entertainment. I've read the books by the other authors I mentioned multiple times already, and sometimes I like something new.

I read a few Mercedes Lackey books, enough to know they were good, and then I decided to read them all in chronological order. That is, in the order in which they happened, not the order in which they were written. She has actually written books about several different universes, but so far I've only been in the Valdemar universe.

That universe starts out with the Mage Wars books. They held my attention, but if they were the first books I read by her, I probably would not have bothered to read any more.

Next were the Last Herald Mage books. Those were good. Very gripping. A young man lives through bullying, isolation, and loss, and emerges to devote himself to serving humanity. Actually quite good, the books in this trilogy are on a par with books by Tamora Pierce and Robin McKinley.

Last night I read Foundation. The other books were in trilogies, and this book is clearly not a standalone book. It is as if a whole book is divided into multiple bindings. (I don't know if this will be a trilogy like the others, so I'm not sure how many bindings the book is divided into.) The sequel will be published three days from today, and I ordered it on inter-library loan a week and a half ago.

One nice thing about this book is that the main character does not come from privilege. For example, they say they are overcrowded, and apologetically ask if it's okay if he sleeps in a heated, furnished room that's in the stable. They think it's treating him poorly to make him sleep in the stable, while he thinks it's amazing to be able to sleep in a heated, furnished room.

There was a nice description of a winter solstice observance. People gather together and take turns sharing stories and songs on the theme of hope in darkness, or something good emerging after a bad time. There is a container of earth, and each person plants a seed in it. The container will be placed outside, and in spring, plants will grow.

Lughnasadh of my life

This is the time of year when we observe Lughnasadh. It occurs to me that where I'm at in my life now is at Lughnasadh. That is, Lughnasadh is the peak of the thermal summer (as opposed to the solar summer, which peaks at solstice). We still have a lot of summer ahead, and yet we know summer is waning now, rather than waxing. If the year parallels life, then spring is childhood and adolescence, summer is the middle years of childrearing and career, fall is when we retire from work and our kids are grown, but we still have a vibrant life, and winter is when we decline and die. And so, I'm at the point in adulthood when I'm no longer starting out. And yet, I feel as if I still am starting out. I feel as if I haven't yet found my path. As those who know me will attest, I am always wondering, "what should I do with my life?"

What do I want to do with my life? Over the past few years, certain values have emerged. What has not yet emerged is what I can do to enact those values. What I hope to do with my life is to live those values myself, and to support others who are seeking the same things.

As I see that my life is finite, that I have limited time to do whatever it is I will do with my life, I also see that my parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles are older than I am, and I probably won't be able to be with them my whole life. I want to take advantage of the opportunity to be with them while I still have that opportunity.

Fireworks

Usually I say that I like to go to the fireworks for the atmosphere, not because I like fireworks themselves.  I like the coming together of the people in the community.  I like being outside on summer evenings.  Last night, as I waited for fireworks to start, I thought, "Maybe I should just go home now.  I've been here since 5:00 and enjoyed it, and now I've gotten what I wanted to get out of it, and now I'm tired.  The fireworks will just be loud noises assaulting my eardrums."  But I waited, and I enjoyed the fireworks.  The experience I had with them was similar to what I recall from 1998.  When it seems like I'm directly under them and I gaze up at them, it's like getting entranced by a magical world.

Solstice

Summer solstice.  It's a bittersweet time for me.  For me, summer solstice itself is a beautiful time.  But the fact that the sunlight has reached its peak means that now it will be declining.

The past few years, winters have been times of ill health, of fatigue and dreariness, of living with the constant tension of trying to ward off the cold.  Summers in contrast are joyful times of green leaves and bare feet and embracing fresh breezes as they waft across my skin. There is something about the sight of the lush green that opens my heart.  I think it has to do with it being a sight that was imprinted upon me when I was young.

This time of year, I enjoy soothing times working in my garden and sitting on my balcony.  This time of year, I go to festivals and fireworks and outdoor concerts.  This time of year, I see sunlight sparkle on the river.


Summer is a beautiful time for me.  Summer is when I can do things outside without being negatively affected by the weather.  But some people live in climates where summer is when you have to huddle in the air conditioning all the time, and lack of air conditioning can be fatal, while winter is the time of lovely weather when one can be outdoors.

Just as summer solstice has different meanings for different people, around the world at any given moment, people are in different states.  Some are joyous, some are grieving, some are lonely, some are overwhelmed, some are sick, some are strong, some are hopeful, some are hating, some are forgiving.

When we observe the holidays that mark the turning of the year, we are reminded of how things change.  I enjoy summer, but it will fade away and leave me cowering in the cold.  I cower in the cold, but the warmth will return once again.  In the same way, I will experience times full of family and friends, and times alone; times of health and times of illness; times of joy and times of depression; times of financial security and times of poverty.

But there is a difference.  The wheel of the year is predictable.  We know how long each season will last, and we know that each season that has passed will come again.  Life is not like that.  Sometimes people are never able to lift themselves out of poverty.  Some illnesses never go away.  And I don't believe in reincarnation.  We only get to go around once, and we don't know how long a ride it will be.  Tonight I listened to a CD by Woods Tea Company.  Two of their four members have died.  Tonight, someone I know witnessed a shooting.  I know several people with ongoing illnesses.

What do I want to do while I am blessed to have this limited time on this earth? I want to dance barefoot in the grass. I want to sing at the top of my lungs.  I want to laugh with my family and friends.  Every moment we can spend with family and friends is to be treasured.

 What it boils down to, less poetically, is the same list that I've made many times before: what I want in my life are time spent with the people I like, doing things outdoors, music, and dance/movement (the "/movement" is to include things like Nia, tai chi, and yoga in addition to dance).

Giving thanks, 2009

It's that time of year again to think about what I am thankful for. Here's what's on my mind this year:

• It seems the most precious times are the times we spend with loved ones. I am grateful for a large family. I am grateful that my family has expanded, with the addition of my nephew and his mother. My family members follow such diverse paths -- pro-technology and anti-technology, traveler and homebody, athlete and scholar. What they share is the value placed on each person following his or her unique path. They don't seek to conform to a mainstream mold, nor do they tell me how I should live. I am grateful for family and friends who understand and share my values, style of expression, and lifestyle. I am grateful for all the friends who once touched my life, even though now many of their paths have diverged from mine. I am grateful that for the current time in my life, a close friend is there for me every day with kindness, intelligence, and wit.
  
• Among those values my family shares with me are that integrity and kindness are more important than wealth and prestige. But it is a luxury to be able to disdain wealth. I only can disdain it because my material needs are met. I am grateful that I never have to worry about not having enough food to eat or not having a place to take shelter from the cold. I am grateful to have a car that runs and the ability to drive it, so that I can easily visit relatives, go grocery shopping, go to concerts, etc.
  
• I am grateful that my body is more or less in working order. Last winter when I broke my wrist, it was at times a struggle to function. I think it would be even harder to lose the use of my legs, or my eyesight, or my hearing. It's so easy to forget, but having our five senses and our mobility makes life so much easier, and it's something that can be lost at any time in a sudden accident.
• Another thing that's easy to forget is the earth, which sustains us with air to breathe, water to drink, food to eat, and beauty to inspire us.
  
• I am grateful for the opportunity to do radio shows. Planning playlists is a fulfilling creative outlet for me.
• I am grateful for my spirituality and values, which keep me grounded through the vicissitudes of life.
  

Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving, and I have many things to be thankful for:

• My family: They have the traits I value, such as having a respectful, nonjudgmental attitude toward others, not being pushy, and living according to their values. Their paths are diverse, but all are true to who they are rather than conforming to convention, and they encourage others to be true to who they are as well.
• My job and financial stability: Some people who make more money than I do complain of low salaries, but I think I am lucky to have my income. There are so many people in this world who have less than I do. Many of them are hard-working, smart people, and it is just a fluke of luck that I am able to have the things I do. Some people more talented than I am are unemployed. I have been unemployed in the past, and I'm lucky that I have a job now. My job allows me to have a spacious apartment and a car that runs well. Some people would consider a 12-year-old compact car not to be luxurious, but to me, it is. I am fortunate to be from a modest upbringing, so that I don't feel I need a more expensive lifestyle. I can afford to buy groceries, and not just the essentials, but I can spend extra to get the things I want, like organic foods. My job also allows me sufficient vacation/sick time.
• Health: It's not perfect, and it does prevent me from doing some things I used to enjoy, but overall, I'm getting better more than I'm getting worse, and I'm able to work full-time, take care of myself, and do a few extra things too. A lot of people don't have all that, so I'm really fortunate. And I think that being sick changed me by making me appreciate the substance of people rather than appreciating people just for being willing to gallivant with me.
  
• My town: I like living in a town that's not a big city, but not the middle of nowhere either. I like that we have a good farmer's market and so many independently owned restaurants and stores. So many other towns are just full of chains.
• Radio: I'm lucky to be a member of a radio station. I like listening to all the new music, and figuring out which songs go together as I prepare playlists. I like talking to Harry on and off the air. I appreciate the people at the station who have been kind to me, such as the other folk DJs, Sean, Mario, and Rich.
• Clearwater: I'm grateful to have the opportunity to volunteer at the Clearwater festival each year. I like being in a community that shares my values and being in a beautiful outdoor setting.

My birthday celebrations of the past 12 years

Looking back on the birthday celebrations I've had over the past 12 years that I've lived in this area, I see how the changes in the celebrations reflect changes in my social life. Early in my time here, someone asked me what I was planning to do for my birthday, and I said, "Stay home and wait for the phone to ring." I was expecting a lot of calls from out of town family and friends. At the time, I had not yet established a life here, but had strong ties to people from the places where I have lived in the past.

Some years later, I spent my birthday out frolicking in the park with a group of friends. I thought back on that earlier birthday, and thought of how now I had found a vibrant social life here.

Some years after that my birthday was largely ignored by people around here, though I did get a few of those phone calls from out of town people. At the time, I was feeling unpopular, and the lack of recognition my birthday got from local people reflected that situation.

This year's birthday celebrations demonstrated how my life has come back into balance. My life is no longer focused exclusively on local people or out of town people. I received birthday greetings from all directions: family, co-workers, a local friend, a college friend, a friend I met here but who now lives elsewhere, someone at the radio station. Greetings came from local people, as well as from Florida, Washington DC, New England, and Taiwan. I celebrated all month long. Two people remembered the month but not the date, so they got their birthday greetings in toward the beginning of the month. On my actual birthday, I had a picnic and a concert with family members. Yesterday I had what I think is probably the last of the month-long celebrations: strawberries and ice cream with Jesse. (Strawberries and lilacs are my personal birthday traditions.)

I like the way my birthday turned out this year, and it's a good reflection of where my life is currently at.

Birthday parties

Yet another example of how I feel out of step with the people around me: mainstream people seem to think that if someone has a birthday, the people close to that person should throw a surprise birthday party. People in my family don't do that. Birthdays may not always be celebrated with a party, but if they are celebrated with a party, the person having the birthday is either the organizer of the party or has substantial input into it. To me that is much more sensible. That way, the birthday person gets to have things exactly how they want it. I wouldn't want someone throwing me a surprise party, because what if I was planning to do something else that day?