Helping others

I just wrote a post about helping others. When I talk about helping others, I mean being aware of and respecting their feelings and wishes. There are a lot of things people call helping others which are really not helpful at all.

When you say to a sick person, "You would be fine if you just exercised more," that is not helping.

When a person is trying to clear all the clutter out of their house and you give them some useless knick-knack as a gift, you are not doing them a favor.

When a person is struggling with something and you say, "It's not that hard," you are not helping.

The above three examples are all cases of making things worse. I hate when people make things worse like that and then expect to be thanked for their helpfulness.

Helping others is about listening. It's about attuning yourself to the wishes of others. It's about treating other people with respect. It's about appreciating what others have to offer.

Kill them with kindness

There's an article at http://www.bc.edu/publications/chronicle/TopstoriesNewFeatures/features/Dalton052710.html about someone who helps out those in need in a variety of ways, including growing out his hair and donating it to Locks of Love. 

It shows how an ordinary person can make a difference.

I like the motto he learned from his mother, "Kill them with kindness." 

I think often if faced with someone who is not being nice, if you treat them as if you assume they will be nice, they will try to live up to your expectation.

Serving Others, Serving Yourself

They always say it should be about serving others, not about serving yourself.  Instead of trying to advance your career, you should try to help those in need.

But, you also have to take yourself into account.  If you have phobias of needles and blood, you probably should not serve others as an EMT or nurse.

I read Let Your Life Speak by Parker Palmer some months ago.  He said something along those lines.  He said that you shouldn't try to do what is most noble, instead, you should listen to hear what your calling is.

I am always asking myself what should I do with my life.  I think in terms of what would be a match for my skills and interests.  I never seem to find the answer.  Sometimes I think it is because I am framing the question wrong, that if my goal was to respond to what others need rather than to find the niche I match, maybe I would do better.  But I'm not looking selfishly for wealth and prestige.  I'm looking for a niche where there's a match between what I have to offer and what is needed, and I'm trying to figure out what I have to offer.

Maybe it's not that I am framing the question wrong.  I don't have to pathologize myself all the time.  It's okay to still be looking.  It's part of the cycle of life.  Sometimes we are at a phase of life that is right for us, and we throw ourselves into it.  Other times, we find ourselves in the wrong place, and keep looking for the right place.  People tell me I should stop looking for something and just be happy with what I have, like there's something wrong with me for looking too much.  But I have had times in my life when I was at the right place and could embrace what I had.  I know what being in the right place is, and where I am now is not it.

Trees as healers

I sit gazing upon a tree. It brings peace to my soul. In this way, the tree is a healer. The tree doesn't try to be a healer. Just by being, it heals.

I can be that kind of healer. By being true and kind and grounded, my presence can be healing to others. I don't have to try to change other people in order to heal them.

Druids as healers

Druids are healers.

I mean this in two ways.

Druids learn and share knowledge in service to their societies.  They cover many areas of knowledge. One of these areas is preventing and relieving physical ailments.  That is the narrower and more literal interpretation of my statement that druids are healers.

The broader and more abstract interpretation is that druids fix what is broken and heal what is hurt, and not only in the realm of physical ailments.  Following a druid path can mean approaching life with an attitude of helping and soothing. 

How are these two interpretations of druids as healers applicable to my own path? I view my own druid path as a path of service to humans, to the earth, and to myself.  (I have a draft of a blog about this, maybe it will be ready to publish before long.)  Thus, one way to look at it is that my purpose should be to serve in a healing capacity to humans, the earth, and myself.  For humans, I help those who are lost or in need to find their way.  For the earth, I try to live sustainably and heal the damage done by humans to our habitat.  And for myself, I try to grow spiritually so that I can live up to my potential, which will improve what I can give to the world.

It all sounds good in theory.  I'm a lot better with theory than with reality.  I'm standoffish.  I don't jump in to help.  Is this selfishness? Am I more interested in protecting myself than in healing others?

But on the other hand, we all have different natures, and we have to be true to our natures.  Some people are extraverted while others are introverted.  The world needs both types.  Different types of people make different types of contributions to the world.  What is my contribution? Well, that's where the part about growing spiritually comes in.  I'm still trying to find my place.

As for the other interpretation of healing, that which is specifically about physical ailments: I do not see myself as someone who would specialize in that area.  However, we all have bodies, and we all know people who have bodies, so in order to care for ourselves and our loved ones, there are some things we should know.  We should know about healthy living, including about nutrition, sleep, stress, toxins, and exercise.  We also should know when to seek help from medical professionals.  Those of us who suffer from chronic conditions, or who are close to people who suffer from a chronic condition, should understand those conditions.

And that is why I have chosen to study healing as part of my druid study: to learn about healthy living so that I can give good care to my body, to be able to help others with physical problems until they can get proper medical attention, and to develop a generally healing attitude in my approach to life.

How to help

Something else from my class: a quote from Goethe: "Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.”

That fits my experience and philosophy. So many people think they are helping me when they tell me how I ought to be different, but I don't find that helpful.

My vision

A composer hears music in his head and writes it, so that it may be heard by the world. A painter sees a picture in her head and paints it so that it may be seen by the world. That's what doing something with one's life is -- bringing one's vision into reality. The vision that I have is broad. It is not something easily described or made real.

My vision has to do with people living peacefully according to certain values. The two main threads of my vision could be seen as environmentalism and human relations (especially in childrearing), but these are not two separate things to me. The vision is of a whole community, and there are many attributes which make the community what it is.

The vision that I have is of a world where people treat each other with kindness and respect. The earth's resources are used wisely. Energy comes from renewable sources, such as solar. Food is raised organically. People grow their own gardens and make things with their hands. People help their neighbors. Children are loved, and, like everyone, they are treated with kindness and respect. Children play outdoors and use their imaginations. Children are not inundated with materials things. They don't have plastic toys. They don't watch TV or play video games.

There is no single thing to be done to make my vision a reality. It will take many strands to weave this tapestry. I don't expect to bring this vision into reality for the entire world. Some people choose a different path. But I want to be a part of weaving into reality a community where this vision does exist, so that those who choose this path have a place to go. I don't know exactly how to bring this about, but in my life, I recognize the things that do and don't point the way to this vision. Some of the things which I've found as pointing the way to my vision include:

• Food: food co-ops, organic gardening, farmer's markets, community gardens, family farms, Fair Winds Farm
  
• Do-it-yourself: In addition to gardening, any groups that support any kind of do-it yourself activities, including cooking, carpentry, pottery, sewing, weaving, music, storytelling, dance, etc.
• Education: Montessori, Waldorf, Marlboro College, College of the Atlantic, Haverford College, Farm and Wilderness Camps, Hulbert Outdoor Center
• Communities: eco-villages, Monteverde
• Environment: Groups which support sustainable living, cleaning up pollution, and renewable energy.
  
• Supporting locally owned businesses.