Monday, February 11, 2013

Delusions of skiing

I get mad when I see on Facebook people went cross country skiing and didn't invite me.

In summer, I get mad when I see on Facebook people went boating and didn't invite me.

Yesterday I took a stroll around on some snowshoes.  My first time.  In the past, sometimes I thought I would try snowshoes.  I would think about renting snowshoes, but why rent snowshoes when you could rent skis? I loved cross country skiing.

But February 2006 I got sick.  December 2007 I rented skis for the first time after I got sick.  I realized I couldn't do it any more.

But since then I've gradually been doing more.  I go for walks.  I went for a walk in the snow two years ago and I realized I should get snowshoes.  I bought them a month ago.  We did not have much snow until the past few days.  Yesterday I finally went snowshoeing for the first time.

Most of the time that I was on the snowshoes, I was thinking, "I want to learn skate skiing."  I never tried skate skiing, but in my later years of cross country skiing, I used to see people skate skiing.  It looks like rollerblading.  It looks like a cross between rollerblading and cross country skiing.  It looks like I would love it.

I was snowshoeing yesterday, and while I was snowshoeing I resolved: two weeks from now, I will go to the place where I used to ski, and I will take a skate skiing lesson.

I wandered around on snowshoes for about an hour.  Then I went home.  I was all worn out.

Of course I can't go skate skiing.  What was I thinking? I've got to stop having these delusions that I can actually do fun things.

I told my mom about it.  She said, "When you get to be 50, you won't mind.  You'll want to do the things you can do."

I told her, "When I find a fun husband who will stay home with me, that's when I won't mind."

Then she talked some about family health history.  My brother has been experiencing fatigue lately, so he has been asking about it, getting us thinking about it.  My mom was raised by her stepfather.  Her biological father was not a big part of her life.  But she was realizing as my brother asked about it that her biological father was never very strong.  My mother's mother's mother was also not so strong.  Could my brother and I be experiencing something that runs in the family?

Growing up, we always thought the weak ones were weak.  You know, that it is some character flaw in them, like they have a bad attitude or something.  That they don't like to have fun.  That they are not courageous, not adventurous.

But then I turned into a weak one.  And I realized it takes a lot more courage to be a weak one than it takes to be a strong one.

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