I used to like organizing things. At my job, I organize events. Like pizza parties. I used to like it. And besides the ones that I did for my job, I did more. I organized things outside of my work, but invited all the work people to them. I had parties at my house. I got people together for outings, like apple picking. I took people sledding and rollerblading.
Now I hate organizing stuff.
The reason I liked it was because I had co-conspirators. There were people who wanted to help me with the organizing, and who wanted to attend the things I organized.
My friend was good at teaching people to rollerblade, and I was good at finding people and drawing them in. It was perfect. I would find the people who wanted to learn to skate, and he would teach them.
It's all gone now. I still have to organize things for my job, but I don't have co-conspirators any more. It's just twisting people's arms, trying to get them to do stuff.
That's what I hate about my life. Everything is arm twisting. No one just wants to do stuff. No one cares enough to make an effort.
Last spring, I met someone who does nature walks and I hoped it could be like it used to be with my rollerblading friend, where I could bring people to him and he could teach them about nature. I told him that I wanted to organize a nature walk with him, but he went off and organized it single-handedly.
Last summer, I organized an outing. But I organized it by myself. I didn't have any co-conspirators.
I don't like either one -- I don't like outings organized by someone else, and I don't like outings organized singlehandedly by me. I like outings organized by me along with co-conspirators.
In the fall, I organized an outing with other people. But it wasn't like that. It wasn't like co-conspirators. Other people wanted to do it one way and I wanted to do it a different way. It was like I ended up with responsibility with something, but I wasn't able to make it the way I wanted it to be.
That's kind of like like what I do in my job. It's having to be the one to implement something, even though I don't get to be in control of what I'm implementing. It's implementing something that I think is wrong.