Sunday, June 3, 2012

Painting our lives

For so long, I've felt weighed down by my responsibilities.  Then I read Nimue Brown's post "Druidic Arts: Responsibility."  Responsibility is not what weighs you down.  Responsibility is what you choose to do about the demands upon you.

Many years ago, I read The Sun, the Moon, and the Stars by Stephen Brust. The book tells of an artist with a blank canvas.  I read the book at a time when I faced a big decision in my life.  To me, the book said that the future is a blank canvas, and you can do with it whatever you  choose.

As I sit here now, I feel illness and fatigue.  I want to be healthy and energetic.  Normally, I try to proceed as if I am healthy and energetic.  But responsibility means seeing the situation for what it is, and deciding what to do about it.

Today, I am not going to do what I was supposed to do.  It's not because of my own initiative.  It's because a friend told me, "You are sick.  I have asked someone if he will cover for you, and he said yes."  I accepted, because I knew it was what I needed.

It's good for me to accept the help of others, to let go of this independent streak that tells me that I have to do everything myself.

The sickness I have today is one that will get better.  But however better I get, my energy will always be finite.  I keep thinking of more things I want to do.  The artist does not make a great painting by throwing all the paint onto the painting.  The artist makes a great painting by making choices.  I need to stop aspiring to do it all.  I need to choose.

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