Monday, July 2, 2012

Mood swings

I got hit by a depression last night.  Now I'm happy again.  I knew I would be.  I was there last night, knowing that I was just being hit by a depression, knowing that I would feel better in the morning, knowing that I should just go to bed, but instead I just stayed awake.  That's how it always goes.  I know the things that I should do when I'm depressed -- go outside, exercise, listen to music, go to sleep (it's usually bedtime when depression strikes).  When depression hits, I can still remember that these are the things I should do, but I'm paralyzed. I don't actually do them.

What I want at those times is a human connection.  A kind word. Someone to be present with me.

What I don't want is someone who will
a) Tell me not to be depressed because I have a lot of good things in my life, or
b) Tell me what I should do to fix my life. 

People who do either or both of the above just make it worse.  For some reason, those are the two things most people do. 

I've written before about what I want at those times, in "What to say to sick people and depressed people." 

I always think I should be able to handle everything on my own, but it's okay to want someone to be there for me when I'm depressed.

Sometimes someone is there for me, and that makes it easier.

Other times, I face it on my own.

It's okay that the universe does not always hand us what we want. 

Some things are easier with help, but we get by one way or the other anyhow.

I got by.  It's gone now.  Today I'm loving the music I'm listening to, and looking forward to going outside walking and rollerblading and looking at trees.

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