Tuesday, January 1, 2013

New Year

The culture in which I live celebrates a new year today.  Traditionally, druids celebrate a new year at Samhain.  But also, druids see the world cyclically.  I think that from a cyclical point of view, life just keeps going round and round, and it's arbitrary to say a year begins or ends on a certain date.  However, it does make a certain amount of sense to me to consider the winter solstice the turning point of the year.  That's when the sun starts its return.  Also, we can look at the solstice observance as a multi-day celebration.  If we celebrate from December 21 through January 1, then January 1 does in some sense mark the start of the next phase.  It sounds like a stretch, but it does actually fit my life.  I have been off work December 21-January 1.  Tomorrow I return to work.  So, today is a good time for me to reflect on any wisdom gained in my time apart from my regular life, and to think about my intentions for the future.

2012 was a time of wonderful new beginnings.  I got involved in new activities and met new people.  I want to continue to develop what was started in 2012.  But, I don't have it all in balance yet.  For most of this solstice break December 21-January 1, I was feeling that 2012 has been an ordeal.  It's not that there has been anything bad, but that there has been too much, and it took its toll.

I started to feel okay three days ago.  It kind of came and went over the past few days.  Right now I again feel okay.  Where does this feeling okay come from? It came from having time to myself, time to rest and to write.

The contrary thing is that when I'm tired, I feel this emptiness, and I feel a drive to make my life more exciting.  So the more I need to rest, the less I want to rest.

My life is still the same as it was two days ago when I wrote Rebuilding for 2013.  I still want to do many more things than I have the time and energy for.  But I have more of a sense of peace about it now.  Now I think that I just have to find my way, step by step.  Before, I felt that I could not bear to give anything up, and that I had to push myself beyond my limits.  Right now I feel like maybe it's okay that I can't do everything.  It's more important to stay grounded than to do everything.  I will have to let some things go. I can't get as thoroughly and deeply involved in everything as I would like, but maybe I can at least dabble in things now and then, and accept that that's my limitation right now.

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