Saturday, January 5, 2013


I made an appointment to see a counselor.  I can't live like this.  It hurts too much.  I'm so alone.  So I should do things I enjoy.  I like trees.  I like music.  I like dance.  But it all seems so pointless.  They are just things that temporarily take my mind off how alone I am.

I spend my time going to that stupid job, where I enforce rules I hate.  It sucks me of energy.  Nothing is left.  People go out in the world and have fun, but I can't. I 'm too tired.

And besides, there's no point in going out among people.  Occasionally people find me useful.  That's it. They find me useful.  They don't enjoy my company.

I have been listening to Beggar Folk tonight.  Did you know, their song "Only Stories" is about God? I just realized that tonight.  I didn't pay enough attention to the words before.  And the song says that God is about love, not about judgment and rules.  

See, there is hope for me after all.  I was in the depths of despair, and music caught my interest.

These days, music and dance and trees are all I have.

But music and dance and trees are no small things.  

Still, it would be nice not to be alone.  It would be nice to be healthy.  It would be nice if people enjoyed my company.

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