Last night I was reading By the Sword by Mercedes Lackey. In it, Kerowyn has three years of hard training.
This morning on the radio they had an interview with Quinn Sullivan. Now 15, he has been playing blues guitar on national television since age six.
They have what I am missing: they work hard, and excel at something. At least in school, I had things that I could work at and accomplish.
When I was pursuing the AODA curriculum, I liked having something I was working toward. But then I could not in good conscience stick with them, due to their censorship practices.
Every now and then, in tai chi or Morris dance, I feel like I'm learning something. I like it. But it's not enough.
Most of the time, I am overwhelmed with things that have to be done. They don't require excellence. They just require time. They are boring, and there are too many of them, so I can never get things done thoroughly and well.