Often I get a sense of well-being from having dreams that fulfill me emotionally. Tonight I thought I'd take a journey into fantasy worlds on purpose, and see what I could find or build. I considered three different worlds.
Things that all my fantasies have in common: I don't have to go to my current job, or work full-time in an office, and I don't have to do any cooking or other domestic chore.
1) Last week I was sick and missed two and a half days of work. It was nice because being sick didn't hurt, I just rested. I spent mornings sleeping. In the afternoon, I read or watched DVDs. Then I went to bed early. I am tired tonight. I am tired most of the time. So one fantasy is to indulge that fatigue. The weather is cold these days, so that fantasy also involves warmth. In this fantasy, I am in a comfortable chair by a fireplace, or I am in bed, enveloped in blankets, sitting up, leaning against a pillow. Whether in the chair by the fireplace or in the bed, I am dozing or reading fiction. If the time comes when I want to, I could go for a walk. In this fantasy, it is winter and there is snow on the ground. Sometimes I may also listen to music, write, and drink herb tea or hot chocolate.
2) The second fantasy was less interesting, because it was too close to a plan for reality. It's farfetched enough that I don't think it will happen, and yet realistic enough not to be a satisfying fantasy. In this world, I move to the small city that I've dreamed of living in for the past 20 years. I'm writing a book telling the stories of my ancestors and of my life -- both a family history book and an autobiography, because in the future, I'll be history too. I'm compiling the photos and notes I have already. I'm also traveling some for my research, to interview people, review historical documents, and to visit and photograph places where my ancestors lived. I have an editor who is helpful, to give me some structure and help me stay on track. I think I also have some sort of part-time job, maybe at a library, because writing a book is solitary and I also want to have the experience of contributing to a team.
3) To develop my third fantasy, I thought about what fictional characters I identify with. I identify with characters who have strength and courage. I identify with warriors. I identify with characters whose strength is physical. I identify with characters with a will of steel.
In the early Harry Potter books, I don't really identify with any of the characters. In the later books, I come to like Luna and Ginny, although I don't strongly identify with them. Luna is a role model for me because of the way she walks through life just being herself, rather than trying to fit what others expect. I don't identify with Hermione at all. It may seem strange because many people have perceived me to be like Hermione. Maybe identifying with fictional characters has to do with having a place to give expression to the sides of yourself that don't have room to soar in real life.
I don't much identify with the characters in Firefly either. Inara, River, and Kaylee are too girly for me, while Zoe is too matter-of-fact. However, I do like the way Inara has a will of steel. I like the way she carries herself, demanding respect.
I don't like Mercedes Lackey's characters Tarma and Kethry, because the books don't get inside their heads. It's like they did this and then they did this, just a list of actions, with not much feeling behind it. Kerowyn was a little better, especially in the beginning, but later in the book, she seemed emptier.
I like Robin McKinley's Aerin and Harry, because they are warrior types.
In my fantasy world, I imagine that I live in a monastery type setting. That is, I live in a room that is simple, just a bed and a desk, with thick stone or cinder block walls. I had a dorm room like this, and I stayed in a room like this when I visited Venezuela. I'm part of a rigorous training program. We are always working on training ourselves physically, spiritually, and mentally. It seems to be a group setting, but I'm not really aware of any particular individuals. I'm focused on my own training. The physical training includes tai chi. The spiritual training includes meditation. The mental training includes studying history and traditions. There is also some outdoor training, including nature study and skate skiing.
When I finish my training, I go and serve a village, like a druid. I know all the history of my people, so when someone has a problem, I tell them about what has and hasn't worked in the past. I preside at rites of passage like birth, coming of age, marriage and death. I know what stories and music to share to inspire people.
The people of the village and the creatures of the wood are separate. I am the only one who can connect with both. My lover is the Green Man, a creature of the wood. I dance with the creatures of the wood. With the creatures of the wood, I am passion. With the people of the village, I am knowledge, wisdom, and strength.
When I put it that way, I don't want to bother with the village part of the fantasy. I'd rather dance with the creatures of the wood than be a source of knowledge and wisdom.
I think I might play the harp or something too, in my fantasy world.
Also goats. I'm a goat herder.
The problem is, I identify with warrior types because of their strength and physicality, but I'm not interested in hurting people, and hurting people is usually the purpose of warriors.