Monday, July 1, 2013

Narrowing it down

So, in my earlier post "Success," I wrote about how I aspire to do too many things, and that if I want to move forward, I need to set achievable goals.  I listed all the things I wanted to do.  Now how do I narrow it down?
  1. I need to find a way to escape my job.

    It's  not going to be an easy journey.  I don't know exactly what I want to do.  I have a number of ideas.  I need to just try things, to explore.  As I do that, I'll find that some things are promising while others are less so.  I need to not get discouraged by all the dead ends, to remember that it's an ongoing journey.  I have in a way been trying to figure this out all my life.  There were reprieves for several years, when I was doing something I enjoyed.  Even if you only count the most recent spate of it, I have been struggling with this for six years, and I'm still stuck in my job.  I need to steer clear of the people who think that the fact that I'm still stuck in my job is proof of the fact that I'm not working hard enough at it, or that I'm going about it the wrong way.  With that, plus all the jobs I've been rejected by, I feel hopeless and traumatized.  I need to keep going. I need to find ways to keep up hope.  I get infected by this idea that everyone thinks I'm not good enough, there's no skill or ability I have that anyone values.  So, finding a way to escape my job includes:
    • Exploring specific types of jobs.  Volunteer work, conferences, workshops, classes, information interviews, reading, projects, applying for jobs, etc.
    • I need to keep my spirits up.  I need to push away the experiences that make me feel that I'm not good at anything, that no one wants what I have to offer, and that I don't like to do anything.  Unfortunately, I can't push away my job.  While pushing away the negatives, I need to seek the positives.  I need to surround myself with people who value what I have to offer.  I've found that in the two communities I wrote about in another post today.  I think that even if it does not appear to be directly related to jobhunting, being involved in those communities is essential, because it helps restore my feeling that I have something to offer the world, and that there are people who value what I have to offer.
    • Networking.  The best way to find a job is by word of mouth.  Again, this is a reason to continue to continue my involvement in communities.   Especially I need to focus on being around people I like, to counter the bad experiences which have taught me that I don't like humans, that I should avoid humans.  I do need to challenge myself, to push myself to talk to strangers, even though it's scary.  In particular, I should try to seek out ways to meet people who may be involved in careers that interest me.  I need to reach out to people even though it's risky and scary, but I also need to recognize that certain people erode my confidence, and cease reaching out to them.
  2. I think it would be helpful if I took better care of myself.  Physically: eat, sleep, exercise.  Spiritually: maintain perspective by way of my druid practices of meditation, time outdoors, and ritual.
  3. Try to let go of the desire to do everything.  I can't always be hiking, rollerblading, and kayaking.  I can't go to every concert, dance, fair and festival.  I can't learn every kind of dance and various musical instruments.  I can't join every group in my communities.  I'm already over-extended, and maybe shouldn't add anything else at this point, but if I were to add anything, the things that seem to be tugging at me most right now are joining the Transition group and learning to play either harp or hammered dulcimer.  Well, I guess the other two things that tug on me a bit are spending time outdoors and dancing, but it seems to me those are things I can do in a manageable way.  That is, dancing can be just dancing around the living room for 15 minutes, and spending time outdoors can be just going for a relaxing stroll.  
So, an attempt at a  narrowed down list, though perhaps it is not narrowed down enough:
  1. Actively pursue finding a less loathsome way to earn a living.  This will involve a variety of activities.
  2. Build my confidence and my network by being involved in my local community and the folk community.  
  3. Besides just generally surrounding myself with positive communities, also build a support group of people to help specifically with my jobhunting, because it can be very demoralizing for me.
  4. Ground myself by resuming druid practices of ritual, meditation, and time outdoors. Allow time for rest, reflection, and relaxation.
  5. Care for my physical self by being mindful of eating, sleeping, and exercising.  
  6. Find joy in music, dance, and the outdoors.  Realize that I don't have to do everything in these arenas.  Just find joy in what I do do.  

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