Tuesday, December 29, 2015

When do we stick with relationships

His job was in one city, her job was in another.  They lived apart.  She visited him on the long holiday weekends. When they retired they could be together.

They both retired at the same time.  The time had arrived.  Only it was not what she had hoped for.  A year and a half before retirement, another woman came to live with him.  He chose the one who needs him over the one who was always there for him.  And the one who was always there for him is still there for him, despite her bitter disappointment. 

Would I do the same?

It seems to me that when you are young and healthy and gallivanting about, you meet lots of people and make your choices about whom to share your life with.  When you are old and frail and sick, your choices have been made, and you stick with the people who are in your life.

Me, I'm in the middle, somewhere between young and old, between healthy and sick.  In some ways, I'm still making choices.  In some ways, I'm sticking with people.

At this particular time, when I think about making choices, I look for how I'm treated.  I look for a relationship based on mutual acceptance and respect.  The only way it's appropriate to request a change is for either of us to say what we want from the other.  For example, I won't say, "You should quit smoking because smoking is bad for your health," but I will say, "Please don't smoke near me because it makes me cough."  I look for someone who sees who I am, likes what they see, and helps me see myself in the positive way they see me.  I look for someone who treats me as a treasure, and in return, I give the same. 

So would I stick with someone who decided to live with another woman instead of me? I don't think so.

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