Sunday, October 6, 2013

Stuck in the real world

Yesterday. Saturday.  No scheduled events.  Time to catch up on resting and chores.

I had company two weeks ago.  Two people staying for five days.  I arranged furniture differently for their visit.  Yesterday, I finally had time to put it bag.  Dragging mattresses and box springs about the house.  Moving things here and there.  Did three loads of laundry: one was my regular laundry, the other two were sheets and towels from my guests. When I do laundry, that means carrying a bag of laundry down stairs to the laundromat, walking back up the stairs to wait at home, then walking downstairs to go back to the laundromat, carrying the bag of wet laundry back up the stairs, and then climbing on a chair to reach the place where I hang to wet laundry.  Or for loads that go in the dryer, there's the additional trip down and up the stairs to put move the clothes from washer to dryer.

My knees have been hurting me for the past two weeks.  Every trip on the stairs hurts them.  Every time I climb up on the chair to hang the laundry hurts them.

Once I got to the laundromat before the clothes were ready.  I did not want to sit down, because lowering myself into the chair would hurt my knees, and getting up from the chair would hurt my knees.  But I was so tired.  I chose to sit.

I had more laundry to do, but I decided three loads was all I could take.  I was feeling light-headed and shaky.  Would eating something help?

One more thing to do before I could go to bed for the rest of the day.  I went out in the car.  Should I be driving when I was feeling so light-headed and shaky? I went to the library and got two books to pass the time while resting.  And I got a sandwich for lunch.

When I got home, it was maybe around 2:30pm, and I felt it was well past time to retire for the day.  I got in bed with my two  library books.  I did get up several times thereafter for food and the bathroom, but I was no longer aspiring to get anything done.

I finished the first book around 9:30pm, an ideal bedtime for me.  But the story continues in the second book, so I kept on reading.

I finish reading about 1:45am.  I turn out the light and try to sleep.  Still awake at 2:45, I get up and go to the computer.  I catch up on Facebook, and return to bed at 3:20am.  Finally I sleep.

The books were The Girl of Fire and Thorns and The Crown of Embers by Rae Carson.  The story is spread over three books.  My library only has two.  So they have left me hanging, not able to finish the story.

It is a story of empowerment.  In the second book, the main character does what she needs to do in order to be strong, to protect her people.  But in the end of the second book she takes control of her life.  She says, I'm no longer going to do the things I have to do in order to succeed.  I'm going to do the things I know are right instead.  Even if it means losing my power, I'm going to be true to myself.  And in being willing to let go of power, she at last has power, the power to be true to herself.

The way she seizes her own life is what I long to do, but how can I? I can't quit my job, because I know no other way to live.  In reality, there's no one true path that we can courageously choose.  In the real world, I can barely do laundry and feed myself.

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