I used to love frolicking outdoors with friends and family -- rolling down the hill, climbing trees, rolling in a pile of autumn leaves, playing frisbee. But things have changed. I live with fatigue. I've put on weight. My knees hurt. My clothes don't allow freedom of movement. My clothes aren't suited for rolling around in the grass. The kids I played with grew up. The friends I frolicked with have left me. Humans have rejected me. The only time I am free to fully express my joyfulness is when no one is watching, dancing around my living room.
Just over two months ago, I was at a picnic. There were a lot of young men in their 20's. They swam in the lake, played frisbee, and found assorted other ways to have fun.
There was a smaller group of middle aged ladies. Like all the other middle aged ladies, I was wearing sandals with pants that ended just below my knees. Like all the other middle aged ladies, I took off my sandals and waded in the lake, just in the shallow water, that came up to below where my pants ended.
I'm an old lady now. I had no desire to frolic with the young people. I don't belong with them.
Two weeks ago, my brother, sister, and brother-in-law were tossing a frisbee. I slipped off my sandals and joined them. Every time the frisbee was thrown to me, I missed it. Every time I threw to another person, it did not get close enough to them for them to be able to catch it.
But you know what? That was the case for everyone. Hardly anyone was catching it. One person throws it, the second person runs to pick it up off the ground, and the second person throws it to the third.
Not like gym class where no one wants me on their team because I am so bad.
This was just fun. People enjoying time to be outdoors and be together.
I wish I had more opportunities for such moments.