Saturday, August 7, 2010

Melting the black cloud of irritability

The past 16 days or so have been hard.  I've had this sickness residing with me.  Except for one day, it has not been bad enough to keep me abed.  However, it is something that makes me miserable while I keep on doing things.  I hack away at trying to fulfill my responsibilities, and yet I wilt in that role.  I just don't have the impetus to do things.  Along with the physical symptoms comes a black cloud of irritability.  Just hearing people have conversations annoys me.

I think that what would help me is to make sure I get plenty of sleep, and to spend some of my waking hours relaxing.  That's what I have been trying to do as much as I can.  However, sometimes I can't fall asleep.  And I have responsibilities and commitments to fulfill.  I did take a couple days off from work, and I did spend some of my evenings deliberately turning away from chores and relaxing instead, but so far, it has not been enough.

I find my peace in my practice of meditating every evening out on my balcony.  Being outdoors gazing at trees and sky helps a great deal.  During this time, my irritability melts away.  I am grateful that my discovery of druidry has brought me this meditation practice, which in turn has brought me relief from the black cloud of irritability.  Of course, that is not all it has brought me.  In the past, I had various strands of interests strewn about here and there, with little direction.  Druidry has drawn those strands into a coherent whole, and given me the inspiration to pursue those interests.

My responsibility as a druid is to serve the earth and to serve society, but my third (or perhaps first) obligation is to care for myself, so that I can better fulfill the other obligations.  The past fortnight has been a good example of that.  I can't do a good job of serving humanity if I get annoyed every time a human speaks within earshot of me.

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