The doctor said maybe I have ADHD. Is that why I never get anywhere?
I don't read nonfiction books much. I mean, when I have them, I just read a few pages and then I lose interest.
I do read alumni magazines. I get them from five schools, of which I read four. I read about doctors, lawyers, professors. I was the peer of these people, and now I am so far behind them.
In one such magazine, there's a tribute to a former college president who passed away. He went to college, then before finishing, joined the Peace Corps and worked in India. After working in India for a few years, he returned to college. A professor who taught him said, "Tom came back invigorated in every way from his Peace Corps experience. In India, he found what he wanted to do in life."
Have I ever found what I wanted to do in life? I've had moments when I thought I did, but such moments never last.
I went to a concert last night. A flamenco guitarist and a percussionist. Both are very skilled. It takes practice to be so skilled. I've never been focused enough to develop skill at anything.
I like dancing, skiing, rollerblading, folk music, trees. I have skill at none of them.
For 30 years, it has been my dream to do research on social problems. I have done nothing.