Organizing

I used to like organizing things.  At my job, I organize events.  Like pizza parties.  I used to like it.  And besides the ones that I did for  my job, I did more.  I organized things outside of my work, but invited all the work people to them.  I had parties at my house.  I got people together for outings, like apple picking.  I took people sledding and rollerblading.

Now I hate organizing stuff.

The reason I liked it was because I had co-conspirators.  There were people who wanted to help me with the organizing, and who wanted to attend the things I organized.

My friend was good at teaching people to rollerblade, and I was good at finding people and drawing them in.  It was perfect.  I would find the people who wanted to learn to skate, and he would teach them.

It's all gone now.  I still have to organize things for my job, but I don't have co-conspirators any more.  It's just twisting people's arms, trying to get them to do stuff.

That's what I hate about my life.  Everything is arm twisting.  No one just wants to do stuff.  No one cares enough to make an effort.

Last spring, I met someone who does nature walks and I hoped it could be like it used to be with my rollerblading friend, where I could bring people to him and he could teach them about nature.  I told him that I wanted to organize a nature walk with him, but he went off and organized it single-handedly.

Last summer, I organized an outing.  But I organized it by myself.  I didn't have any co-conspirators.

I don't like either one -- I don't like outings organized by someone else, and I don't like outings organized singlehandedly by me.  I like outings organized by me along with co-conspirators.

In the fall, I organized an outing with other people.  But it wasn't like that.  It wasn't like co-conspirators. Other people wanted to do it one way and I wanted to do it a different way.  It was like I ended up with responsibility with something, but I wasn't able to make it the way I wanted it to be.

That's kind of like like what I do in my job.  It's having to be the one to implement something, even though I don't get to be in control of what I'm implementing.  It's implementing something that I think is wrong.