Why I refrain from interaction

It seems I prefer  not to talk to people.  If I've observed someone for a while and have decided they are okay, then I will start talking to that person.  But most people don't get deemed okay.  It seems terribly elitist.  I think that part of the reason for it is because I'm hurt by the things people say (such as giving me health advice) so I don't want to talk unless I think it is safe.  Also, I think it makes a difference that I don't have enough people on my wavelength.  If I felt I was part of a supportive community, then I wouldn't mind reaching out to people even though they might say something I didn't like.  It's like, you don't mind eating a bad-tasting thing if it is only 1% of your diet so much as you mind having 100% of what you eat be bad-tasting.

Another factor is fear of awkwardness.  I usually don't know what to say to people.  If I start a conversation with someone, then after saying one thing, I'll have to say a second and a third, and a fourth, and I might run out after the first.  That ties in with the previous reason, because people who aren't on my wavelength say weird stuff that I don't know how to respond to.

Also, I don't know how to steer people away from the things that I don't like.   There's a way to stand up for yourself without hurting the other person, like if someone says something unsupportive, I can say, "Gee, you're supportive," in a way like I'm teasing them for how unsupportive they are being.   But it's only once in a while that I can come up with a good response on the spot .  That's another problem -- I usually think of what I want to say two hours later.

It seems like a negative trait to be so withdrawn from other people, but I don't want to push myself to talk to people just for the sake of it.  To a certain extent, this is a winter time in my life -- a time of quiet, stillness, retreating inward, and yet growing.  The growth that is taking place within is what will be my strong roots when my blossoms are ready to burst forth.  To try to go forth now would be going forth without being ready, so it would not bear fruit.  I used to be more sociable in the past, and a more sociable time will come again, but now is not that time.  I have many great people in my life now, but now, a time when fatigue brings me a feeling of sensory overload just from being around other people, is not the time to add new people.  At least not people who I would have to see in person and go out and do things with.  I don't have the energy for that.  However, I do have many rewarding interactions by computer and phone.