Thursday, August 12, 2010

Continuing easing of irritability

As I wrote on Aug. 7, I've been feeling sick, and that has produced considerable irritability.  For four days now, the sick part has been over, though there is still much fatigue.  With the lifting of some of  the physical symptoms, it has become easier to cope with the irritability.  Today was a very frustrating day at work, with many causes for irritability, and yet on many occasions, when I felt the irritation flare, I was able to rise above it.  I thought of calmer, more peaceable attitudes toward other people.  I put a positive spin on it by thinking that today provides us with many opportunities to work on our patience.  I am grateful to the health which has allowed me to return to the disposition that I feel is more myself.  I must remember compassion when those who are sick do not take a positive attitude.  When I do feel irritability, I want to observe it and identify its cause.  It seems to me that the causes are:
  1. Frustration.  Not being able to work on tasks that need to get done.  Working under people who make detrimental policies which I then have to enforce.  Working under people who don't tell you they've invented a new policy, and then act like the policy has always been there and criticize you for not following the policy they never told you about.  All of these are about a mismatch between what I want to do and what I'm able to do.  The solution is to look at the reality of the situation, and consider what I can do within that reality.  Can I change the circumstances to better allow me to do what I want? Or can I change to new goals that better fit my circumstance?
  2. Overload.  When I am very tired, then any task before me becomes annoying.  Even sounds and sights become annoying because they demand sensory processing.  The solution to this is rest, stillness, quiet, darkness.

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