Unfocused

The doctor said maybe I have ADHD.  Is that why I never get anywhere?

I don't read nonfiction books much.  I  mean, when I have them, I just read a few pages and then I lose interest.

I do read alumni magazines.  I get them from five schools, of which I read four.  I read about doctors, lawyers, professors.  I was the peer of these people, and now I am so far behind them.

In one such magazine, there's a tribute to a former college president who passed away.  He went to college, then before finishing, joined the Peace Corps and worked in India. After working in India for a few years, he returned to college.  A professor who taught him said, "Tom came back invigorated in every way from his Peace Corps experience.  In India, he found what he wanted to do in life."

Have I ever found what I wanted to do in life? I've had moments when I thought I did, but such moments never last.

I went to a concert last night.  A flamenco guitarist and a percussionist.  Both are very skilled.  It takes practice to be so skilled.  I've never been focused enough to develop skill at anything.

I like dancing, skiing, rollerblading, folk music, trees.  I have skill at none of them.

For 30 years, it has been my dream to do research on social problems.  I have done nothing.