Winter

Winter is asthma, coughing, and fatigue.  The cold outdoor air inspires coughing.  Physical exertion inspires coughing.  Indoors, I cough less.  I still cough though.  Indoors, I cough enough that everyone in earshot thinks I am sick.  In doors, I can go half an hour without coughing.  Outdoors, I can go five minutes without coughing.  Outdoors, the cough is like a steady percussion accompaniment as I walk to and from work.

Walking doesn't bother me so much.  What bothers me is shoveling snow.  I normally walk to work, so I don't need to drive every day.  I do like to drive sometimes though.  I like to get groceries once a week, and I often have other errands as well.  But in winter, there are days when I want to drive but can't because my car isn't shoveled out yet.  It's too much to do in one day.  Sometimes if I shovel for 10 or 15 minutes a day, I can get out before the next storm comes.  But it snows every few days, so even if I get shoveled out, it doesn't last.  It doesn't really seem worth the effort to shovel if it is just going snow again before I can go anywhere.  Besides, I'm too tired to go anywhere.

I'm too tired to work full-time.  At my job, there are times when I'm worn out and can't work any more.  After a while they pass and I can get back to work. 

I can't work full-time, and yet I have to, because there's rent to be paid and groceries to be bought.

This lasts through the winter, but usually it's better in summer.  And sometimes, despite all this, there are good moments.  When I'm not at work, there are always chores that should be done, but if I set aside the chores, there are moments of happiness.  When I'm not pushing myself to do the things I'm too tired to do, like cook a meal, wash the dishes, pay the bills, do the laundry, then I can read, listen to music, do tai chi, or meditate, and in these moments I am happy.