There's tired, and there's beyond tired

There's tired, and there's beyond tired.

Tired is when you do something and then afterwards it feels good to rest.

Beyond tired is when you are so tired it hurts.

Beyond tired is when you are so tired you just want to curl up in a ball and whimper.

Beyond tired is when it hurts so much that it's hard to sleep.

Beyond tired is when despair hits.

No one is there for me. No one will ever like me because I'm too much of a misfit.  I have nothing to offer the world.  No one wants to be with me. No one wants to help me.

These are the despondent feelings that come upon me when I am beyond tired.

"You're just depressed.  You should get out more."

No, it was getting out more that made me beyond tired, and being beyond tired that made me despondent.

I escape into fiction, trying to anesthetize myself until I'm able to sleep.