Taking stock along the way

Where am I on my journey? Which way do I go next?

• Things are not going well at my job. I should go. I should get a different job. But do I know what I want to do? There are so many possible jobs that I've contemplated, only to realize that I would like them less than the one I have. There is value in taking a risk, taking the leap to do something new, but there is also value in looking before you leap, in doing some research about what your options are.
  
• I have an idea about what kind of job I'd like to get. I think I'm comfortable with it, and yet, I don't seem to be intrigued and enraptured by it. But perhaps it will become more interesting as I get more involved in it.
• What I am interested in is reading and writing about things related to druidry, pantheism, and trees. These are the things that I fall into doing, instead of the things that I think I should be doing, things like homework for the class I'm taking, applying for jobs, paying bills, cleaning the house, and going grocery shopping. Does the fact that I'm drawn to these activities mean that they are my true passion, that that's what I should be looking to pursue, rather than what I currently hypothesize to be my career interest? Or is it that everyone desires time to relax, and that our work, as enjoyable and interesting as it may be, is actually work, and one needs a break from work from time time?
  
• I know that there is more to be done for druidry. There is such a wealth of things to learn and practice. I wrote earlier about doing more related to the healing spiral, and about the nine natural history books I need to read. I practice meditation, movement meditation, and time spent outdoors, but I need to develop those practices, to focus them better. I need to learn to care for my bonsai tree, to see if I can sign up for some tree-planting, to memorize the rituals, and to take a first aid class.
• I must remember that druidry is a means to an end, not an end in itself. It's not like school, where you just do the boring homework because the teacher says you have to. The goal is to grow in wisdom, knowledge, skills, and health, so that I can better put my values into action. The values I wish to put into action:
  1. To sow the seeds of peace in my interactions with others. To work toward a world in which all are treated with respect and kindness, and all have access to information and to opportunities for learning and growth.
     
  2. Is there a word that's the opposite of consumerism? Maybe community creationism? To work toward a world in which communities create what they need. In which entertainment is not everyone in their separate houses glued to TVs, computers, and phones, but is people coming together to make music, dance, tell stories, and perform plays. In which food is grown locally rather than shipped from thousands of miles away. In which as much as possible people know how to do things like sew clothes, grow their food, preserve their food for the winter, and build their homes and furniture.
  3. To work toward a world in which we live sustainably, caring for the earth, using renewable energy sources, and eliminating toxic chemicals.
     
  
  
• So where am I? How do I earn a living, do the things that I enjoy, and put my values into action? It seems like I ought to be able to do all three at once, but maybe that's just a fallacy. In this culture, our stories are supposed to have happy endings, we are supposed to find our true love and live happily ever after with that person, we are supposed to find a career we love, it is supposed to be true that if we work hard enough, we can overcome any obstacle. But that is not reality. Some obstacles can never be overcome. Sometimes we never find our true love, or we love someone who doesn't love us back, or the person we love dies. Sometimes the thing we love doing is not a thing we can earn money at. Instead of trying to force my life to fit the fairy tale, how can I find a reality that works for me? I think I'm already doing my best. I'm exploring various career fields to find which I like best. Not that I will necessarily find the one true career that will be my ultimate fulfillment, but I will find which of the options out there fits me better than the other options do. I do the things I enjoy: spending time outdoors, reading, writing, Nia, and spending time with family and friends. And I am pursuing druidry in the hopes that it will help me grow in putting my values into action. And along the way, I am also working on things to help keep my life running smoothly, like laundry and groceries. Cleaning house is not something I'm a fan of, but I am a fan of making my home a place of peace and beauty, so that I can enjoy my time here.